Back in the early days of my marriage, I had made the mistake of bringing the game Gothic into our home. My husband and I were still in that blissful, honeymoon period and I really had no idea that his addiction for games rivaled only Bobby Browns addiction for..wellanything other than games. Happily, I installed Gothic, giddy that I had found a game that looked interesting to play and was a bargain at under twenty bucks. My husband had already informed me that he had downloaded the demo and wasnt interested, and so for a few sweet hours Gothic was all mine.

And then my husband woke up from his nap.

Whats that? he asked, looking over my shoulder.

Oh, Gothic. You tried it, remember? You didnt like it so Im going to play it.

YeahI remember. He said warily. He leaned in closer.

Now, Im not the greatest gamer that has ever lived. In my twenty years of gaming Ive finished exactly one game (unless you count Pong). My love of games is only exceeded by my complete inability to be any good at them. Having my die-hard, gamer husband giving orders behind me got to be a bit nerve-racking. Go here. You should have bought the sword. Why didnt you train when you had the chance? You cant leave the camp without pants.

After nearly two hours of this I finally gave in and let him have at it. That was the very last I saw of my husbands face for the next three months. He was so absorbed in the Gothic world that I actually began to wonder what he might look like. I took out old pictures to remind me. Every once in awhile Id catch a fleeting glimpse of him, running from the computer to the fridge, and maybe to the bathroom, but other than that I was a single woman.

That experience was as close as Ive ever felt to being cheated on.

When he finally beat the game, (and then later Gothic 2) he emerged, a tired lion after the hunt Its the best game ever, hed tell anyone who would listen. People grew weary of his Gothic banter. They had heard of his heroic deeds so many times their ears bled. I had to hire people to pretend to be interested, but he even managed to run them off. For months I endured this, and then on one beautiful spring day he did not mention the game, and I knew life was back to normal.

That was until a few weeks ago, when he returned from a three-week trip to the bathroom, PC Gamer in his hand. "They are going to release Gothic 3 soon!" he announced merrily, plopping down in front of the computer to check his available RAM, and then my world went black. What was it about this game that made my husband disappear so completely that I had to file a missing persons report? I had to find out.

Me: Honey, is Gothic your all-time favorite game?

Darling Husband: Yep

Me: On a scale of 1-10 what would you rate this game?

Darling Husband: 10

Me: A ten? Really? Youve never given anything a ten. Whose the hottest woman you can think of?

Darling Husband: I dont see the point of this question

Me: Just answer. Who would you say is the hottest woman you can think of?

Darling Husband: OkayAngelina Jolie

Me: (throwing a shoe at him). Okayfinebut the right answer was me. Havnt you learned anything yet?

Disgusting Husband: Oh yeahI meant to say that.

Me: Uh-huhAnyways, would you give Angelina a 10?

Disgusting Husband: Nah

Me: Would you give ANYTHING a 10? A food, another game? Anything besides Gothic? (our love perhaps, you cold-hearted man)

Stupid Husband: Nah

Me: Okay, fine. What is Gothic about? Tell me why you wet your pants whenever you hear that word?

Now This is the part of the conversation I like to call.You had to ask.

Long-Winded Husband: Gothic is an open-ended RPG. You start out a prisoner within a clear, magical barrier. If you pass through the barrier you die. You have to join one of the three prison camps. There is the old camp, and the new camp, and a hippy, commune type camp where you sit around and get high.

Me: Well, thats an obvious choice.

Oblivious Husband: (continues unphased) After you decide which camp you join you work your way up through the ranks. You can level any skill you want. If you want to be a mage, you can be a mage. Like archery? You can be a great archer. Melee, thief skills, anything you can think of. You can do whatever you want in Gothic.

Me: Can you sit around and eat cheetos?

Perplexed Husand: There are no cheetos in Gothic.

Me: So, well no cheetos, well thenis there a purpose to the game? And why are you a prisoner?

Not-So-Patient Husband: (exasperated) I just told you the purpose. To become whatever you want to become. And I dont know why you are a prisoner. You just are. You decide why you are a prisoner.

Me: Perhaps because you ignore your wife.

Smart Husband: (silent)

Me: Okay, well, anyway. Say I want to become a non-prisoner. Can I do that?

Still-Somewhat-Patient Husband: Well, yes, I guess that is the overall purpose of the game. But dont you see, you can be an archer?

Me: So Gothic is great because you can be whatever you want to be.

Darling Husband: (nodding excitedly as I was beginning to catch on)YES!

Me: And thats it? So its basically a clickfest?

Not-Quite-As-Patient Husband: Well, you can explore too. Part of the beauty of Gothic is that you never stop exploring. Each little nook and cranny of the universe holds mysteries for you to unfold. And the replayability (sweat beads on his head) is great! You can replay in each different camp pursuing each differerty type of career. It is never the same.

He had the same look of joy I felt when Target was having a two for one hot dog sale.

Me: Is the ending always the same?

Exasperated Husband: Well, yes I guess so. But its the journey, see?

I was beginning to feel sorry for the guy. He was really doing his best to enlighten me.

Me: If the ending is always the same then you really cant become what you want to be. Ultimately you are a puppet right?

Not-So-Darling Husband: No, you arent a puppet You still have free will.

Me: Anything else I should know?

Defeated Husband: Well, outside the barrier the king is raging war on orcs. The irony is that he needs ore to defeat the orcs. The only place to get the ore is

Me: Inside the barrier, right?

Jubilant Husband: Yes!

Me: So how do they get the ore if you are destroyed crossing the barrier?

Darling Husband: Its magic ore.

Me: Of course.

Darling Husband: And people can go inside the barrier and ore can be moved out. So, one of the camps has created a barter system with the king. They supply the king ore and the king supplies them with food, supplies, women

Me: Women'' Do the women WANT to go in there, with all the prison men? Do they know what they are getting into?

Desperate Husband: Well, nobody wants to go in there. But

Me: How can you like a game where women are treated like a commodity? I bet the men are fat and greasy and old too. Right?

Husband-Who-May-Have-Said-Too-Much:

Me: I bet the women have to cook and clean after their other duties too. I bet the men dont have any hair. You know what its like to have to be a slave to a bald man?

Wishes-He-Wasnt-A-Husband: They arent real women you know.

Me: .

Darling Husband: .

Me: Sounds like a horrible game.

Distressed Husband: (looking defeated)

Me: Okay, fine. Im an adult. I will get beyond the traficking of women. Tell me more.

Darling Husband: Well, the best part of the game is the layers. There is politics and espionage among the camps. Each has its own agenda. Its a huge spiral storyline. Its (wipes a tear from his eye) the best game I have ever played.

And we had come full circle. Now for my husband to say its the best game he has ever played is truly something. I cant think of a game he hasnt played. For him to play tribute to this sleeper game, Gothic, really gave me pause.

Me: Honey, do you love me as much as you love that game.

Darling Husband: Of course I do. If it wasnt for you, I never would have played Gothic in the first place.