In order to free ourselves from the pain of anger and resentment we need to be able to forgive our self and others. The longer we dwell on hurtful situations from the past, the longer we keep our self from living fully in the present. Forgiveness is an act of kindness. An act of kindness to your self, as it leads to a sense of personal freedom.

Recently I had a client who had a lot of resentment towards her mother for many things that she had done to her in the past. "I don't want to forgive my mother for what she did in the past." my client said. "What she did is wrong, and she has never apologized." I hear this very same statement from many clients who are living with resentment, whether it be towards their parents, their spouse, or their boss.

I asked my client if she felt that anyone other than herself, was responsible for, and capable of, making her happy. After a rather long and convoluted discussion, she said that when it was all said and done, she realized that she was indeed the only one that could make herself happy.

We sat there together for a while, and then I took a deep breath and suggested that my client do so as well. Here is an idea, I said. "What if as a totally selfish act, done simply for your own personal happiness, you decided to go ahead and let go of the resentment you had towards your mom, so that you would no longer need to have resentment clouding your life. What would that be like?" "You would not be saying that what was done to you was OK. You would simply be letting go of the resentment so that your own life would be happier. Would you want to let go of your resentment if it meant you would feel greater happiness?"

We sat there together for a while and my client's face softened. She said that if she was able to let go of her resentment, it would be like lifting a weight from her shoulders, and removing a dark cloud from her heart.

"With all you have been through," I said. "With all of the pain you have suffered, wouldn't it be a wonderful gift to yourself if you could lift this weight from your shoulders and remove the dark cloud from your heart? Would it not be wonderful to be freed from your hurt and resentment?"

She sat there for a while, as tears formed, and she said very softly "Yes, I want to feel good. I want to feel love. I want to feel free."

"So" I said, "In order to free yourself from pain and open your heart to love, you would be willing to go so far as to forgive your mother if this is what you felt was necessary for your own personal happiness?" She was somewhat hesitant, but said "Yes." "Remember" I said, "I am suggesting that you do this purely for selfish reasons. Not because you want to actually forgive your mom at this point in time, but because you want to free yourself to live a happier life." My client said "Yes, when it is said like this, I have the resolve to forgive my mother, in order to free myself to live a happier life." "Good I said. "Hold these thoughts and feelings in your heart for a while and then we can talk about how to actually accomplish your forgiving."

How about you? Are you holding onto any resentment? Are you ready to recapture your happiness? Would you be willing to undertake the radical act of forgiveness in order to free yourself? I certainly hope so.

And if not today, maybe tomorrow.

Charlie Badenhop

Charlie Badenhop is the originator of Seishindo. He is a native New Yorker and has been living in Japan for the last 19 years. He is a fourth degree black belt and licensed instructor of Aikido in Japan, a certified trainer in NLP, and a long term practitioner of Self-relations therapy, Ericksonian Hypnosis, and the Japanese healing art of Sei Tai.

Charlie looks back on more than 30 years of experience in a "dual career" as businessman and healer. He has coached and consulted for organizations large and small, as well as starting and running various trading businesses.

He has also studied with numerous exceptional healers around the world, and actively helps individuals heal their spirit, and regain emotional and physical well-being.

All of Charlie's work is improvisational in nature. Each engagement, be it a seminar, healing session, coaching, or consulting, is tailored to the needs and desires expressed by the individual, audience or organization. His work is known for its magic, depth of experience, and celebration of life. He weaves together theory, poetry, music, practical applications, and a clear sense of reconnecting to one's core identity. When you work with Charlie, you are invited to enter into an austere theater of everyday life. To partake in a heartfelt experience beyond words.

Benefit from Charlie's thought-provoking ideas and a new self-help Practice every two weeks, by subscribing to his complimentary newsletter "Pure Heart, Simple Mind".