Who doesnt dread hearing a speaker at a wedding beginning with the words, Im not used to speaking in public. Inevitably this is followed by a long speech which proves the truth of the speakers opening remarks, or a very short speech which is also bad, but only for a short time.

There is an optimistic belief among those whove been asked to speak at a wedding, that, no matter how inexperienced they might be, once they rise to their feet they will be flooded with inspiration. After all, theyve seen others do it, so why not them.

What would be surprising for them to learn is that anyone who has anything worth listening to at a wedding, usually has done a lot more than scribble on the back of an envelop while standing in the receiving line.

I am reminded of one of the most eloquent speeches, often used as an example of what a good speech should be like. It is quite a short speech and therein lies both the quality of the content, and the experience of the speaker. This is Abraham Lincolns Gettysburgs Address to the fallen.

Believe it or not, Abraham Lincoln didnt give his address at the drop of his 8 inch high hat. He came well prepared.

While his tall hat became something of his trademark, it was also a very practical receptacle for his preparation as a lawyer, president, and man around town. All his life, as he rode up and down the breadth and width of America, he used his ears like a radar. Little gems of wisdom from this farmer, a cunning observation from that colleague, a suggestion from a shopkeeper, it all went under his capacious hat. Literally.

Those who didnt know better, imagined that Abraham Lincoln used his hat to increase his already tall figure of 6ft 4in to 7ft plus inches. However, nothing could be further from the truth. Mr Lincolns hat was a sort of storage space for all the little bits and pieces of gossip and gripes he collected while on the move.

No doubt Mrs. Lincoln would carp as, upon his return to their downtown Springfield, Illinois, home, he would turn his hat upside down and litter her spotless floors with all the news hed collected. But the information thus provided was invaluable.

When this man needed to speak, he didnt pray for inspiration. He already knew what people thought and talked about. His genius was that he could return to them their own thoughts and feelings by taking note of their concerns in the first place.

Vlady Peters

Vlady Peters is an Australian Civil Marriage Celebrant performing weddings, naming, renenewal of vows and commitment ceremonies both for Australian citizens and for overseas couples visiting friends and relatives in Australia.

She is the author of two traditionally published books, "The Complete Book of Australian Weddings" and "The Small Organisation Handbbook" and is in the process of releasing two ebooks dealing with weddings and honeymoons.

Her major interest is research into customs and traditions of weddings.

By going back to the roots of customs, she believes couples can more clearly differentiate between what is essential in a wedding ceremony, and what is merely a personal preference.

This allows them to choose a ceremony reflecting their own situation within the framework of legal requirements.

Vlady has a bachelor of Arts in English Literature and Government, and has studied the writing of novels and romances. She has written children picture books as well as novels.

She is a member of Queesland Civil Marriage Celebrants - the largest Civil Marriage Celebrants Association in Australia - as well as member of Celebrants' Training Association.

She is also a member of Australian Authors, as well as Romance Writers Association where for a number of years she was the Convenor of the prestigious Emma Darcy Award - Australia's leading Lady of Romance.