I hear this all the time, how only guys with good looks get the attractive women. It's an error in causality. This is the same sort of flawed thinking as the belief that guys need to be rich or famous to be really successful. What usually happens is that, often times, being rich or famous or even good looking, generates confidence (the belief that you are attractive), and it is this confidence that creates the "aura" which attracts the women.

So what qualifies as "good looks"? And how does aura tie into it? Basically, aura is a kind of rock-star look, a look that says that you've seen it all and done it all. A confident look, but somehow without trying to look confident. It's just naturally there, like an underlying coolness. It's a natural relaxed look.

Aura goes beyond the technical and symmetrical quality of the face. Obviously good genetics helps, but really it's not that necessary.

The kind of looks your mother would say is good, is very different from the looks the average woman would say is good. Being "handsome" is not the same as being good looking. That handsome, schoolboy, well groomed look is generally not the kind of look that attracts women. So even though you might technically be good looking, you don't have the aura. This aura can be brought out by having a good confidence level, being relaxed, and even wearing clothes that fit well with you. For example, I wear this leather jacket sometimes and I know for sure it makes me look more attractive.

Aura can be developed, the more experience and comfort you get with women. The perfect aura is like a reflection of the perfect inner state. Some common things I see in guys with a good aura are:

- They don't smile too much
- They appear to have a tunnel vision, and are focused on their reality
- They have relaxed body language
- They look a tiny bit tired, lazy, sleepy (especially around the eyes)
- They appear to be in a state of minimal energy
- They usually have a cool hairstyle (if they have hair), and if not, think of one of those bald wrestlers, usually not model quality but they definitely have a vibe - something which people notice and women are drawn to
- They wear cool clothes
- They don't snap to attention when an attractive woman talks to them

Some common things I see in guys with a bad aura are:

- They look distracted and unsure of themselves
- They're always looking around, especially in bars or night clubs
- Their body language is somewhat rushed or jerky, especially when they talk
- They appear anxious, eager, and needy
- They don't wear cool clothes
- They snap to attention when an attractive woman talks to them

One woman, whom I took to a club, pointed out all the guys that didn't have the look she liked. She couldn't tell me what constituted that look, only that it was either there or it wasn't. I told her that for guys good looks can be cultivated, and that all it takes is some coaching.

I used to be the "handsome" mama's boy that could never get a date. It took me a few years, but I really had to work on myself and my confidence, and my looks naturally improved over time, as a consequence. Now you'd never know the guy I used to be just by looking at me.

Copyright 2005 Vittorio Norman