Life brings sorrows and joys alike. It is what a man does with them - not what they do to him - that is the true test of his mettle. -Theodore Roosevelt

Did you know that Henry Ford went bankrupt not once but twice before finding success OR that just 400 cokes sold in the first year? I find it fascinating that when we talk about the Ford or the Coca-Cola Bottling Company, it is always about the successes. Day in and day out, we hear about one success after another (Google is a great example of this) but what about the mistakes and failures.

Failure is a part of life. Knowing that is the easy part, but sifting through the aftereffects and making something destructive into something useful is not. It is easy to say that you can turn the pain of failure into something useful, but how can you cut through the negative connotations?

Own your failures

No more excuses. By deciding to avoid responsibility, you can ease your mind but it comes at a cost your maturity. Being accountable for your actions is essential to your growth all throughout life and by refusing to accept that you were at fault you deny yourself the opportunity to learn and to grow. We have all heard the he said, she said routines of countless people shifting the blame for their mistakes. It was Deans fault. His report was two days late!

Before you can take the steps to work through the pain of being unsuccessful, you need to acknowledge that you made a mistake.

Framing it properly Your mindset

Pain can at times be a good thing, so long as you are motivated to learn and make changes based on the lessons learned. However, it is counterproductive in some cases because it can cause you to become discouraged. Unfortunately, this can lead to giving up and leads to shrinking away from trying new things for fear of failure.

You may be asking yourself, what can I do?

First, you need to be asking yourself if you did the best that you could do. If you did, while using the resources that were available, beating yourself up for it causes unnecessary pain. When the ache of regret and pain try to wriggle their way in you need to confront them by asking yourself that very question. Did I do the best that I could with what I had?

Accept that you did the best that you could with all that was available to you. Forgive yourself and leave the hurt behind.

Make mistakes and Grow

Certainly, there are times when you do not want to make mistakes; doctors and pilots can attest to that (and for reasons that are not hard to see). What few people anticipate is that making mistakes or failing can also be a key ingredient to succeeding. I like how Daniel C. Dennett words it, saying Mistakes are not just golden opportunities for learning; they are, in an important sense, the only opportunity for learning something truly new. Before there can be learning, there must be learners.

What Daniel is saying is that when you fail (make a mistake or are unsuccessful), it is the best and in fact the only times in which we are given the opportunity to learn something. Sometimes those failures can sting like nothing you have ever felt, but if you apply the two principles above and remember that you now have a chance to learn from that mistake, you will grow and that, my friend, is what life is about.

When you make mistakes take the opportunity to say, Well, Im not going to do that again! but also learn from them so that you will not make that repeat performance! Recognize that good can come from failing and be thrilled at the chance to learn.

To summarize, when you own up to your mistakes you are taking the first step beyond what happened. This allows you to become introspective and look inside yourself, and answer the questions that are at the root of your pain, which allows you to move on. And finally, accepting that mistakes are a permanent fixture in your life prepares your for the time when the cycle begins anew with a fresh failing.