Congratulations! Now that you are sober, you have released yourself from the bonds of your addiction. Taking your power back from alcohol can be seen as a completion, a graduation, of the first of a series of seven mini courses. You can now choose to enroll in the second course toward your "degree" in Taking Control Of Your Life. Anything you do to an extreme is a way of running away from yourself. So the next course is to Take An Inventory of other addictions you may have. Are you smoking? Do you overwork? Be honest with yourself and acknowledge all of your excessive patterns. Then thank them for serving you, for numbing, blocking or distracting you from what hurts inside. You also learn in this second course that alcohol didnt really want to control you. It actually was serving you to drown your pain. As odd as it may seem, you were in control of the alcohol all along. You see, you chose alcohol to distract you from your negative feelings of fear, anger, hopelessness, etc. You had many choices of addictions. The list is long and includes cigarettes, drugs, food, work, sports, books, television and computers. Now you are ready for the third course. It is called Owning Your Feelings. Instead of avoiding your emotions, you practice just recognizing them. Realize that you have all the answers inside of you. If you just ask yourself the right questions, you may be surprised at what you will hear. For example, when you desire a drink or a cigarette, take a deep breath and ask yourself, How am I feeling now? Or you can say, I want to avoid feeling ______ and fill in the sentence. For example, I want to avoid feeling sad. When you are clear about what your emotional state is, just say, Thank you for letting me know what you are feeling. It may seem weird to talk to yourself. However, it is a very healthy thing to do. You have different sub-personalities that need to communicate. Just like a family, it is only functional and healthy when everyone is communicating with each other. We are moving on now to course four which is about choosing Healthy Ways To Deal With Your Emotions. For example, if you are sad, then allow yourself to cry and get in touch with what you are sad about by saying, I am sad that _____ and finish the sentence. Then ask yourself, What healthy way(s) can I overcome my sadness and feel good? If you need help, find a counselor who can assist you to uncover and express your negative feelings and deal with them constructively. Just talking about feelings has limited results because they are energy that needs to be released. It is like a drawer filled with clothes. Before you can put new garments in, you need to clear out the old. It is very healthy to yell when no one else is around or pound a pillow as you say, I am angry! Or, say you are scared in a frightened voice. Being real with your emotions is extremely beneficial. In course five, you uncover the Causes Of Your Problems. These are decisions you have made about yourself, others and the world based upon your experiences. We are like mathematicians because we make equations in our minds from early on. For example, we make the equation: Dad is yelling at me equals the belief that I am bad. Mom is disappointed in me equals I am not good enough. My parents dont spend time with me equals I am unworthy and unimportant. Unfortunately, our minds make these erroneous negative thoughts and they create our life script. Just like a movie, your personality then acts out the play you have written. For example, if you believe you are a bad person, then you will create situations that will sabotage your success in order to punish yourself. The judge in you decides that you dont deserve to be happy. One way to keep you unsuccessful and miserable is to abuse alcohol. These unconscious negative decisions trigger a negative emotion which is stored in the body. For example, If you are scared that you are not good enough, you are likely to have stomach problems because that is where many of us carry our fears. Once you express your emotions constructively, release them out of your stomach, you are likely to be in better physical health too. There is a definite mind/body connection. In this course you have the opportunity to remove the old, incorrect script and replace it with a new one. Once you realize that what people say or do is a reflection of them and not of you and that you are okay, good enough, important and worthy no matter what others say or do, you can begin to heal yourself. This may be a big task but you can do it with patience and perseverance. The sixth course involves Forgiving Others for all you perceived them doing to you. You begin to understand that they did the best they could with the information and self-esteem they had. If they could have done better, they would have. For example, if someone had a broken leg, you wouldnt expect them to be able to run. You learn compassion and acceptance because you realize that they never meant to hurt you. They were just acting out their pain in destructive ways. Forgiveness of another is a gift to them and you. It feels good to the other person because you may let them back into your life and they can now experience your caring. Forgiveness serves you greatly because in the process you release from your mind and body the anger, resentment, fear and hurt you have been carrying. Then you have the opportunity to forgive yourself for all the years you were under the illusion that you were not okay and for all the times you hurt others out of your pain and lack of awareness. You can now welcome yourself to the human race, and feel compassion for all your previous choices and resulting negative experiences. The seventh and last course is about actualizing your New Positive Life Script. Now that you realize the truth that you are okay, you can allow yourself to succeed in all areas. I encourage you to keep a diary of your goals and accomplishments no matter how small they seem to be. Acknowledge yourself for all of your victories--which is how often you choose to act in loving, healthy ways to yourself and others. You realize now that you dont ever have to prove anything to yourself or anyone else. You merely demonstrate who you are by being your loving self. When issues come up, you use your tools to solve them. Nothing gets stuck under the carpet anymore for you to trip over later. The more you keep cleaning out the old, negative emotions, the more room there is for positive feelings of love, happiness, peace, joy and fulfillment. As you choose healthy ways to approach life, you also serve others by being a model. You are making a difference by just by being who you are and sharing your story. It is now time to receive your diploma for completing the degree in Taking Control Of Your Life. Realize that the completion of these courses, just like all degrees and licenses, is not an ending but just the beginning. Now that you have numerous insights and solutions, you create many opportunities to practice and improve your skills. Remembering that the journey of life has its peaks and valleys, you approach each event in a healthy way. You have the courage to be honest with yourself and ask for help when you need it. You know that you are not alone and you persevere as the joy that you experience when you are in the drivers seat feels so good. There is no doubt anymore that no matter what the problem is, love is always the solution. And you know now that you deserve it all. Congratulations! 1998 by Helene Rothschild,MA, MFT, www.helenerothschild.com |
