Old folks arent always up for sex. Old women are often against it and old men are often for it. Here are some of the things they say:

Things Said by Old Women

1. Whats that you want to do, Honey? Now?

2. Right after you get back from your four-mile walk.

3. If I didnt have this horrible rash.

4. I just took my medications. Come back next week some time.

5. Youve been reading too much. I know those Mickey Spillane novels are only 10 cents at yard sales, but you are not Mike Hammer.

6. Would you take off that silly Superman cape? Hey, that was my red dress!

7. Whats that you are saying? I think my batteries are dead.

8. This damned arthritis. I hurt just everywhere.

9. I wish you would grow up. I dont like it when you stand naked at the foot of the bed like that.

10. How about a nice ice-cold glass of iced tea?

Things Said by Old Men

1. I told you I was going to take a Blue Pill and a Silver Bullet pill. Cant you remember anything for 20 minutes? What am I supposed to do now?

2. What do you say we go out to dinner and a movie? Hey, I didnt say we would have to do anything when we get back.

3. You know I cant do that anymore. Thats a physical activity.

4. No problem, Dear. I promised Miss Appleton that Id cut her lawn. Now is as good time as any to do it. What? Oh, you changed your mind.

5. Hey, Honey! Did you read this in the paper? It keeps you from getting prostate cancer. See! Its right here!

6. Honey, here is a picture of Johnny Weissmuller when he was only 21. Just won the Olympics. He made some Tarzan, didnt he? You can almost feel his muscles. Here is a pic of him with his mate. When you were a little girl Ill bet you wanted to swing with him like Maureen O'Sullivan. Pretty skimpy outfits they have on. I can blow these pics up if you want me to.

7. Ive been thinking about a cruise. Do you want to go with me or are you still too tired?

8. Heres an article I hadnt read. Did you know that you can tell how many years an old person has left by the number of times he or she make love every month?

9. Why do we always have grandkids over here day and night?

10. Not to night, Dear. Youve got a headache.

John T Jones, Ph.D.

Jones was a vice president of a Fortune 500 company subsidiary having the major responsibility for research and development and certain engineering functions. After he retired, he became editor of an international trade magazine. Jones is Executive Representative of IWS, sellers of Tyler Hicks wealth-success books and kits. He is a direct mail and mail order marketer and operates a dozen websites.

He has written three technical books, four novels (Bull, Revenge on the Mogollon Rim, Bone China, and In No Way Guilty), and many published papers on business, marketing, engineering and other topics. Details on many of these topics can be found at his personal web site.

Jones is a hack poet and amateur landscape painter. He lives in Idaho with his wife of 52 years. He has five children, three in medicine, a lawyer, and a portrait artist. The Jones? have thirty-two talented grandchildren (many with special musical talent and skills), and one great grand child.

Jones is a prolific writer which started when he was an engineering professor at Iowa State University (Go Cyclones!). He doesn?t know how to stop.