Millions of singles across the world are looking to create relationship bliss. It takes time. It requires energy. It mandates desire. A lot of people have all that. What they dont have is a valid and reliable Roadmap to Relationship Success. Whether theyre accessing Yahoo Maps or their personal databaseif the information used to create a Roadmap is faulty, theyll end up lost. If youre single and feeling lost, here are five easy steps that you can take toward creating your dream relationship. Step One: Define your belief system Ask yourself this questionwhat information have I built my belief system upon? If you dont have a precise answer, its likely that your database is full of faulty information. Thus, the first step toward relationship bliss is to determine what were the sources of information that went into creating your roadmap. For example, if youre a man and believe that if you rescue a woman, or if youre a woman who believes that you need to play the role of damsel in distress, then you have based some part of your belief system on a fairy tale. Bad thing to do! Great relationships are created when two strong people work hard to create a loving and beautiful relationship. Rescuers and damsels in distress often suffer from low self-esteem. So, as you define your belief system, which includes morals and values, be on the lookout for useless knowledge that needs to be deleted and replaced with personal truths that will propel you toward creating relationship harmony and success. Create this new information from reality and personal experience, not from fairy tales, movies, and soap operas. Step Two: Stop doing what youve been doing. Look back at your relationship history. Do you constantly repeat dating rituals and patterns. If jumping into bed by the third date is common practice, has this worked for you? If the answer is No, then why do you keep thinking that this will lead to relationship success? Im a fan of Seinfeld. One of my favorite episodes is when George decides that since everything that he does leads to unhappiness, he will do the opposite of his natural instinct. And, it works! This, of course, is an exaggeration of what I am recommending. But try being George for a daybreak out of your fruitless habits and try something new. If going to bars to meet people hasnt worked, then go to a bookstore. If getting physically involved quickly hasnt worked, then wait. Break a link in your chain of unfulfilling habits. What do you have to lose? Step Three: Stop running from emotional pain At a young age, we learn that pain is bad. Documenting knowledge about pain began from the moment you were forced out into this world from your mothers womb and felt that sharp slap across your bottom. With this slap, you were introduced to a harsh reality of our world: it is full of painful experiences. With every emotional and/or physical painful experience in life, you have the opportunity to write and store knowledge about pain. You add new volumes every year. Moments of unhappiness, confusion, failure, depression, and the act of making the same mistakes over and over, all present the opportunity for you to write and store productive knowledge about pain. The problem is that most people, who continuously struggle in relationships and life, create volumes of identical information about emotional pain. They never take the time to write new lessons about pain. Instead they run off to the next relationship, crawl into a bottle, or numb themselves with drugs. Take time to learn from your emotional pain, dont run from itits telling you that youre belief system needs to be updated and you need to make different choices. Think of your emotional pain as an ally and teacher who wants to help you create a happiness. Pain isnt bad, its a necessary experience on the road of personal growth. The great news is that the further along the road you get, the chance of experiencing relationship pain diminishes. Step Four: Dont ignore warning signs. If you have suffered a lot of painful relationship moments, its likely that you ignored warning signs that danger was looming. We all want to believe that we have developed good assessment skills and that, for the most part, most human beings are loving and caring. Thus, when we see or experience a relationship moment that doesnt quite feel right, a lot of us are inclined to brush it off or give the person the benefit of the doubt. Not a good thing to do! If a warning sign appears, dont ignore it. Rather, play close attention and deal with it. Why spend months or even years trying to create a lasting relationship with someone who is not right for you. Do you really think that you can change them? Do you really think the behavior that led to red alert is an isolated incident? Dont kid yourself. Move on and find someone who doesnt cause you anxiety and pain. Step Five: Love yourself first A lot of people look to others to make them feel like a whole person. Youve likely heard the expression, My other half. I use the expression, My other whole. If youre looking for another person to fulfill you, good luck. Try fulfilling yourself first. Once you feel that you are an empowered individualthat will not accept any inappropriate behavior from a significant other, you are well on your way to relationship bliss. A person who loves him or herself, values him or herself and wont tolerate anyone treating him/her poorly. Learn to be alone and happy with yourself. Then go out and look for a partner. Youll likely find that your standards will be far higher and, with that, youll attract a whole new and improved population of prospective mates. By incorporating these basic philosophies into your life, youll greatly increase the probability of finding your soul mate. Once you have created your new roadmap to relationship success, follow it closely. You cant change others, you can only change yourself. Have fun making these changes and never give up. Remember, its the struggle that sets the stage for greatness. |
